The year after the suicide of bullying victim Phoebe Prince has given me a lot of time to reflect on the subject. I have rather a lot to say on the subject, and who is to blame, and all the whys and hows of what brings a person to contemplate suicide. It's a topic that still pushes my angry button, even decades after I left my own bullies behind, at least physically. Anger, at missing out on the childhood I _should_ have had. Anger, that so many others who shared my experiences didn't make it out alive. And a blinding fury at those I blame more than the bullies themselves, those school adminstrators, teachers, and parents who persist in sweeping this problem under the rug.
I suppose it's easy to ignore, if not for all the dead children.
I guess, given my own insider's view of the topic, I've let this get to me more than I perhaps should. But, having been there (I was the school pick-on from early elementary school until high school, when I started getting into fights and we moved to California) I can say that what happens to someone in those shoes - the isolation, the shame, and the feelings absolute worthlessness can color their existence for many years to come. I know that my own struggles with depression, and an early flirtation with alcoholism and suicide stem directly from those experiences. It's easy for anyone, especially a child, to absorb all of the loathing that is directed their way. In other words, they come to believe the lie and allow it to write the script for the rest of their lives. I hate to think of all the wasted potential, all the good that these young people might have done had they not gone through what they had.
I suppose that there are some things about my experiences that aren't so bad - my move to Indio, and the sheer and utter amazement that I was treated...just like anyone else. It took a long time to not go into a classroom and feel like out of place, but you know...eventually I did. And was amazingly contented and happy to be just another student. Not to mention that my experiences have taught me more than enough about Humility and Compassion, which in Taoist thought are two of the three elements that make up a happy and long life. And, for that matter, I was not without friends and allies during my time in Illinios - my own experiences were probably much milder than many.
For anyone who's being bullied now, and to answer my own question - it does get better - if you let it. What you're hearing from the other students is a lie. I know it's an easy thing to say, but I've been there and I've come out the other side. It's good there, and you'll find people who will love you for who you are. I hope that you learn to love yourselves just as much. Don't be afraid to reach out to your family. And never, ever be ashamed. Because what is happening to you isn't your fault. You were put into this role, not for anything you have done wrong, but just because the others are looking for someone, anyone to pick on - you were just the unlucky SOB who got pushed into the job. Just be your best self, in spite of them. Learn from your experiences and treat everyone with compassion. Even the bullies. If you can love yourself and reject their lies, it will get better, that I promise.
